WELCOME TO SUPER BOWL WEEKEND FOLKS!
If you’re reading this on Saturday then maybe you feel a lot like I do… like a kid on Christmas Eve. Super Bowl Sunday is the most bittersweet day of the year for a gambler. The amount of action from a million different angles you have going during the game is like going to Dave & Buster’s on ecstasy. But the crash the morning after is like… well, coming down from ecstasy… and you’re in a dark room, alone, and not at a Dave & Buster’s.
The Monday after the Super Bowl can be a brutally hard day. Hopefully you made a lot of money the night before and you can carry that high until aroundddd Wednesday? If you really hit something huge then maybe, just maybe, it can carry you all the way to a massive CBB Saturday slate the next weekend. However, most of the time it’s a brutal hangover (both emotionally and from alcohol) on Monday.
Many people say that January 2nd is the worst day of the year because it’s when most people with normal office jobs have to head back to work after slacking through the entire holiday season and people are still hungover from NYE. Well, for gamblers, the Monday after the Super Bowl is like if there had been Christmas every Saturday and New Year’s Eve every Sunday for five months straight and then all of a sudden you wake up one Monday and your boss tells you there won’t be another holiday until the end of August and you need to go pound an Excel spreadsheet for the next 9 hours. That’s post-Super Bowl Monday for me.
I just got way too deep into my Sunday Scaries that don’t even exist yet so let’s focus on the positives the rest of the way. Because overall, Super Bowl Sunday is more sweet than bitter, but it does take some veteran experience to get it to reach its optimal level of performance. That is what Blakey Locks is for. I will be your guide on how to have the best Super Bowl Sunday possible if you too are a total degenerate gambler.
- Bet some college basketball and NBA during the day to wet your beak early and stretch out your gambling muscles. Personally, you can find me losing more money on UConn and Illinois basketball.
- Give out one or two longshot prop tips to your friends you’re watching the game with, even if they aren’t really gamblers. Tell them to just throw a few bucks on a longshot first TD prop or something. Then you will all have something to cheer for together to start the night. If it hits you are a hero and if it doesn’t… well, it was fun while it lasted.
- Lock in all of the props you want to bet on by noon on Sunday. You are going to be drinking all day and having literally THOUSANDS of props available to a drunk degenerate is like bringing Joe Rogan to a karaoke bar where the only song in the system is a song by Jay-Z and Kanye West about the capital of France… it doesn’t end well. Lock in all of your bets in early and then try to stay off the book unless you’re betting some live/2H action.
- Last tip- don’t take any of these tips too seriously. This is the last football game we can bet until August. Bet TOO much money, get TOO drunk, and eat TOO much buffalo chicken dip. It’s going to be a great day.
Super Bowl Sunday Schedule
10:00 AM- Pour your first drink of the day. You don’t need to drink allll day but it’s a good idea to start your day with one to get your mind right. It’s science, trust me.
11:00 AM- You should have read my entire Super Bowl Betting Preview by now. If you haven’t, do it ASAP. Then you should begin to lock in every single bet you want to take today. There are so many things to bet that this will take longer than you think. Do it now. Don’t wait until later and have to rush through it.
12:00 PM- College basketball tips off and the Waste Management Open is rolling. You should have a couple of bets going in those events to get you in the flow. Go Huskies.
2:00 PM- The first round of basketball games ended and it’s time to take that money you just won and make your grocery store run for whatever food/booze you want for the rest of the day.
3:00 PM- Start eating and drinking said food and booze while continuing to watch more #sports.
4:30 PM- Make sure every bet you want is in place. Other than live bets and 2H action you are not allowed to bet a bunch of props right before kickoff once you’re already drunk. They will lose.
5:30 PM- Head to wherever you’re watching the game. If it’s a Super Bowl party then scout out the other guys at the party that gamble. You don’t want to be around dweebs who don’t understand why you’re rooting so hard for Tee Higgins and nobody else.
6:30 PM- Game time. Sit back and enjoy the spectacle.
3:10 AM- Wake up in a cold sweat wondering how the fuck you’re going to pay your bookie tomorrow. RIP.
I hope this preview will help everyone have the best Super Bowl Sunday they could possibly have and if you tailed my bets that you will wake up fat and happy on Monday morning (or at least as happy as you can be with no football until August). I’ll be back with a full NFL season recap sometime later next week but for now… let’s all pray for our one true god… Joe Brrrrrrr.